Friday Funny!

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of you who fly routinely in your jobs, I'm sure.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Happy Friday!!

You're Invited!

As promised, I have an invitation for you all! Well, maybe just the ladies...or maybe not...up to you.

BUT...before you get the invitation, you have to read my backstory, and it's kinda long. I know. Thank you, in advance.

Yesterday I told you about being given a book which I was not interested in reading at the time. I think it was 1999 or 2000; so about 10 years ago. At that time I was very focused on my "spiritual growth". I was reading everything Joyce Meyer had written to date, watching three or four preaching broadcasts a day, studying my Bible, listening to old Kenneth Copeland tapes (yes, tapes!), and spending as much time as I could in prayer and worship. I held to the philosophy that I didn't have time for anything that wasn't going to "build up my 'spirit man'".       **Remember that thought; we'll come back to that in a moment.**

I did, in fact, spend the next several years building up that spirit [wo]man; she got to be quite strong, as a matter of fact. I have no regrets for having invested in my own spiritual growth. It is that inner strength of faith that has, to a large extent, kept my family together and kept me sane (well, mostly)! I have also spent a fair amount of time, money, and energy taking care of the outer me. Oh my goodness how much time, money, and energy I have spent on washing, clothing, painting, trimming, shaving, moisturizing, tanning, toning, exercising, feeding, and resting that outer woman!! Recently, I have begun to devote even more time to taking care of my body...not a bad thing to do, since I've only got one.

Here comes another BUT...what about that third part of me? I will try to be brief here. What? I will!

We are not merely humans with spirits. We are triune beings; there are three parts to each of us. We are a spirit; we are eternal beings, created in the image of God. We live in a body; our body is the suit we wear in order to live on this planet. It will NOT last forever. We also have a soul. This is where it gets fun...our soul has three parts: our mind, our will, and our emotions. Keeping it simple, we connect our earthly bodies to our eternal spirits with our souls. We cannot experience any understanding of God, or experience His love (or any of the Fruit of the Spirit) without our minds, our wills, and our emotions. Our souls are VITAL to our existence!!

And yet, how often do we feed and nurture them? It seems to me that we do quite the opposite! We shut our minds off and "veg out"; we admit we have no "willpower"; and we "repress" our emotions so that we do not have to deal with unpleasantries.  Do I exaggerate? I don't think so. At least I will admit to you that this is what I have done. I have taken such tender loving care of two parts of myself and completely ignored the third!

Here is where we bring back that thought from earlier, and counter it with a new thought. I would like to propose that we can not truly grow in our spirits or bodies without truly growing in our souls. But don't take my word for it: 3 John 1:2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. It is this soul prosperity that I am after. I want to think, feel, and choose prosperously. I want to learn to recognize what I am thinking, feeling, or choosing at any given moment, instead of knowing what I "should" think, what I "should" feel, or what I "should" choose. In other words, I want to think, feel, and choose from a place of my own authenticity.

Enter my journey of self discovery and my dust covered book.

 

The book has dated readings for each day of the year, devotional-style. While the author does not recommend waiting until January 1 to begin reading, she does suggest that one start by completing January and February first and then skipping ahead to the appropriate day. The six Simple Abundance  principles and how they work are explaned in January and then February is devoted to "excavating your authentic self". This is probably where I should place a disclaimer: This book is not specifically a Christian book. While I do think the author is a Christian, she has chosen to write from a more inclusive point of view. Again, this isn't a "spiritual" growth journey; it is a soul nurturing journey.
 
If you are like I was 10 years ago, you will not at all be interested in coming along with me. However, if you find yourself at a place in life where you are unsure of what you would buy, where you would go, or what you would do if you had 10 days without having to worry about taking care of another human being, or paying a bill, or cooking a meal...then meet me back here on September 1st.
 
You can check Simple Abundance out from your local library or purchase it here. Either way, you can embark on your very own journey to soul prosperity! I hope to see you here.

"A Journey of a Thousand Miles..."

A few days ago RedDaddy came home from work with gifts for everyone. Now, I am a gift girl. In fact, Gift Giving is my top "love language". I triple heart to give AND receive presents! 

RedDaddy, on the other hand, has a completely different love language than I (wait, is Sticking To The Budget No Matter What! a love language?), so this random act of kindness was unexpected, to say the least. He even wowed me with his clearance-table-minus-10% total! Guess I'm finally rubbing off on him. :-)

The point of this post is much deeper than my excitment over my husband buying me a coffee mug. I do, after all, own more coffee mugs than Imelda Marcos does shoes! The point isn't even that the coffee mug was a cute, thoughtful gift. I mean, it IS cute...just look at the front:

The point is that the mug spoke to me, and not in a "Shirley MacLaine channeling" sort of way, either. It spoke to me in a "get this right and all will be well" sort of way. Since I couldn't get a shot of the back that you could read, here's what it says:

LIFE IS A DANCE

As you share your unique talent,

You are experiencing the joy of life,

Connecting with who you are

and finding the gifts you have to share.

DANCE!

Hmmmm... anyone else have trouble with this? Come on, I know you do! My BFF-Hometown and I had a hearty laugh over how hard it is to complete one of those "personality" quizzes. Really, who can answer all those questions about themselves confidently? I'm always hollering into another room, "Ruby, would you say I'm more this or this?" , or "Peach, do you think I do this more often, or that?",  or even "Hey, RedDaddy, would you say I'm more a this-person, or a that-person?" Oh, please...you know you do the same thing!

What bothers me about this coffee mug, is that I really want to dance. I do! I want to just "be myself" and "connect with who I am". The problem is, I'm not sure who that is. Not to sound too mid-life-crisis-y, but I often wonder what exactly IS my unique talent, what ARE the gifts that I have to share?

Oh, I know some things, like who I am as a wife and a mother. I know what kind of friend I am. I know I have experience as a homeschooler and as a mother that is a help to others. I realize that I CAN do many things. What I don't know for certain is what I WANT to do. What are my hopes, my dreams, what do I truly LIKE.

Here's a great example of what I'm talking about: If I go into a furniture or home decor store, I am immediately drawn to what is durable and cheap. Really. Not what I find pretty or what I'd truly love to have. If you ask me what will hold up to kids and what will hide stains, I can tell you without a second's hesitation. But ask me what I like...uumm, well...I have NO idea!

Now, I am not without hope, or without a plan. (Hey, that's something else I'm good at...planning!) Several years ago my MIL gave me a book that I was not ready to read. Fast forward 10 or so years, and I think I'm ready. I've already talked my BFF-Hometown into taking a one month long, self-discovery journey with me. Tomorrow, I'll invite you all to join us as well! Stay tuned.

Do You Hear That?

A 16 year old girl that we know nearly died yesterday in a terrible car accident. She was driving on the Interstate, in the rain, when an 18-wheeler came over on her. She, being an inexperienced driver, swerved out of his way, which caused her Ford Freestyle (basically a cross-over) to spin. The vehicle spun into the wooded median where it hit "something hard" and proceeded to flip, end over end. The girl and her friend were able to crawl out of the upside down car and walk away with minor bruises and scratches.

Her mother called RedDaddy last night with the details, tearfully exclaiming that there were 100 ways her baby could have died and praising God's mercy for her safety. She ended the conversation by telling him to "go hug each one of your girls and tell them they are never getting a driver's license".

Um. No.

Before I go any further, I want to be clear that this is NOT a gossipy, holier-than-thou post. This is me sounding the alarm!

I was on the cell phone with RedDaddy when the call came in that "Ashley" had been in an accident. He asked me to pray for her and then told me about her planned trip. Ashley is 16, and has had her license for about 6 months. She and a friend were headed 3 1/2 hours away, on the Interstate, in the rain, to pick up two other friends and make the return trip...3 1/2 hours, Interstate, more rain...in the same day. Anyone else see a flaw in this slaw?

A little bit more back story on "Ashley" and another disclaimer: I do NOT think she is a bad kid! I don't think she is very different from most 16 year olds. I have NO specific problem with Ashley personally. However, there are some observations that are important to my point. First of all, RedDaddy has seen her driving...cigarette in one hand, cell phone in the other; taking corners far too fast; and doing the typical teenage radio fiddling, head bopping, friend laughing thing. Secondly, the first time I was in her home, I walked past her bedroom to the restroom. When I came out I whispered to RedDaddy, "Who smokes?" He said, "No one." I raised an eyebrow. He replied, "Well, Ashley burns incense in her room." I actually laughed out loud and said, "Oh, so that's what they're calling it now!" Not two weeks later he came home and said, "Well, you pegged it. Ashley's mom caught her smoking...and not Marlboro's either."

Now, my problem is not that she is a typical teenage driver, or that she smokes (although the pot is problematic, being illegal and all). My problem is with the parental response. The course of action on the smoking front was to give her permission to smoke cigarettes...and ONLY cigarettes...because, "Hey, they're gonna do what they want anyway!"

Really, Mom? Really? And yet, now that SHE almost got killed on the Interstate you want ME to deny my kids a driver's license. Like I said: Um. No!

I have some ideas: How 'bout we teach our kids to be responsible BEFORE we give them liberties that may get them killed!? How 'bout we teach our kids that smoking or drinking is not good for you, and that it is illegal before the age of 18 or 21? How about we teach them to respect the authority God has placed them under (IE: parent and government) by obeying rules and regulations? Why don't we monitor them as they are given new privileges/responsibilities and help them to handle new found freedoms?

I liken it to the idea of teaching kids to swim. How did you do that? Did you throw yours in the deep end of the pool and say, "Well, there you go. You have to learn sometime! I can't shelter you forever." NO! You got in the water WITH them. You held the close until they became comfortable. Then you gave them some instructions and had them try floating while you HELD them. Little by little you gave them more and more "freedom", all the while sticking close by in case they got into trouble. Eventually, they could swim on their own. Of course, you still sat near by and watched...just in case.

You know what? I'm tired. I'm tired of reading articles about kids dying in preventable car accidents. I'm tired of hearing about 10 year old alcoholics, or 12 year old drug addicts. I'm tired of watching babies have babies. And I'm tired of seeing the helpless looks on parents' faces!

Anybody ever heard a tornado siren? Well, listen up! I'm sounding the alarm. There is a storm approaching...NOW! Get your kids to shelter. RUN! Don't hesitate! It will snatch them up and throw them around like rag dolls. IT WILL KILL THEM! Get them to safety...NOW! Don't buy the lie that sheltering your kids is wrong!!


It's YOUR job, not the school's, not the government's, not even the church's. It's all you. YOU are anointed by God to raise them and are graced beyond what any other person on this planet is for YOUR child. YOU are the defense God has designed for their precious hearts, minds, and bodies.

Take a stand. Man up! Make the hard decisions. Say, NO! for goodness sake. Ashley and her mom thought it would be fun for her and her friends to make that trip yesterday. So, Ashley AND her mom should have gone! Today they are rethinking the value of "fun" vs. "wise". I hope you are too.

I've written this through tears. I pray that every parent who reads it will take a few moments to examine their relationship with their kids. Shore up any weak spots now, before the winds begin to blow (no matter what ages your kids are). And if you're not sure how to do that, I truly want to help!

Tea Time Tuesday: Vegan Blueberry Muffins

Most all of you know that our family has been eating a vegan diet for the last few months. We are eating about  70% raw fruits and vegetables, 25% cooked grains and veggies, and <5% meat and dairy. It was a big change, but a surprisingly easy change. We were facing some ugly health issues and none of the alternatives (medical intervention, disease, death) were very attractive!

So many of my friends can't believe that we are eating this way! We were a fast food, junk food bunch.  But the truth is our whole family has been enjoying all the new foods we've been trying. The older girls and I are learning a new way to cook: without the obvious meat and dairy, but also without white flour or sugar, and using "good" fats. Now, enjoying baking as I do, this has been an adventure!

Since it is Tuesday, I thought I'd share a delicious, vegan muffin recipe with you. If you don't tell anyone these are healthy, they won't know the difference ;-)...I promise! The only ingredient that may be foreign to you is ground flax seed. You can find it at Publix or Wal-Mart on the baking aisle. This is a MUST HAVE product. You can use it as a substitute for eggs or oil, and it is a great source of Omega 3 oils (2600mg/2 Tbsp.) AND it adds protein (3g) and fiber (4g). See...I told you it was a must have!

Vegan Blueberry Muffins (Makes 12)
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup self-rising corn meal
1/2 cup old fashioned oats
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup almond milk (or reg. milk)
1/2 cup honey
7 Tbsp ground flax seed mixed with 3 Tbsp water
2 Tbsp olive oil
(*I have also made these with 3 Tbsp. unsweetened applesauce and 1/4 cup oil in place of the flax seed and oil listed here.*)
1/2 cup fresh or frozen blueberries

Mix all dry ingredients. Combine wet ingredients; stir into the dry just until moistened. Batter will be slightly lumpy. GENTLY fold in blueberries (or any other berry or fruit you like). Fill paper muffin cups 2/3 full. Bake at 400 for 17-20 minutes.

So good and good for you!!